TheBlueprint
Designing A Line Of Thinking
Double Edged Sword : Patriarchy hurts men too
-Tanvi Dahiya
“I wonder, when I cry into my hands I'm conditioned to feel like it makes me less of a man” - Wonder, Shawn Mendes
We conducted an online survey, it was a classic two-option poll, with a couple of generic hypotheticals. The first one was whether a girl should retaliate if a boy hits her and the second one was whether a boy should retaliate if a girl hits him. Our team was disappointed, but not surprised when almost everyone thought that the girl should hit back, but only twenty seven percent of the responders thought it would not be blasphemous if the boy retaliated if the girl hit him.
While domestic violence is a serious issue, many fail to recognize that it can be directed towards men too. We often need to switch the gender roles to make the sanskari trope understand that a girl hitting a boy is not hilarious or bold. It is honestly appalling how mainstream media thinks it is adorable when a man is depicted as a punching bag in the relationship, and how these ‘progressive’ people fail to realise that no one deserves such treatment.
While we have witnessed uncountable examples of such double standards, we only observe them when they are directed at us. As a girl, it never really crossed my mind that even boys face societal pressures. Even though patriarchy means the rule of men, we often fail to realize that there are certain qualifications that need to be achieved by all of them to be considered 'men'. Kamla Bhasin rightly believes that nature fosters diversity, and it is our own society that wants to pigeon-hole us based on restricting terms like “gender”.
In the words of Emma Watson, “Fighting for women’s rights has too often become synonymous with man-hating. This has to stop.” While we are fighting against inequalities for women, it is extremely important that we realize that men need our help as well. They need our help to be able to express their masked emotions. They need our help to be able to wear whatever they want. So that one day when a boy comes out wearing his mother’s makeup and dupatta, he is not shamed for acting in a traditionally feminine way.
Whenever a boy attempts to reveal his true emotions, he is mocked and called a sissy, in millennial terms and told to ‘man up’. The society's neglect towards the fact that men are sentimental too.
The contempt and ridicule that a man experiences when and if he reveals that he was raped or assaulted is beyond measure. It is reported that only ten percent of male victims of female violence report the incident to the authorities, out of fear of being judged. The Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code, which deals with rape, states that if such a horrendous act takes place, it is the women who are the victims and men are considered the perpetrators. This means that our Penal Code does not even consider that men can face such abuse, because every man is perceived to be an extremely strong individual who can only inflict pain on others, not feel it.
While a slim and lithe figure is idealised when it comes to unhealthy expectations regarding a woman’s figure, men certainly do not have it any better. With both the silver screen and social media platforms idealising an overtly muscular physique, it is clear what kind of message society tends to relay to impressionable young boys: You need to have a well-built figure and physical prowess if you truly want to be considered a man. Though both the genders are on an equal footing when it comes to unrealistic body expectations, men certainly get the shorter end of the stick when it comes to clothing options. All that the lads usually get to wear is the same old shirt and pants. Living in a society where concepts like drag shows and cross dressing are still considered taboo, one certainly gets to hear a lot about how dresses make a male look less manly. On the bright side, men have certainly started to break these constricting stereotypes.
Harry Styles is the first male to be featured on the cover of Vogue, that too while pulling off gorgeous dresses. He received much backlash which was almost balanced out with support from his fans.
India’s saree man, Himanshu Verma, is also an avid advocate of freedom of clothing. He has been wearing the traditional drapes for around two decades to reclaim their gender fluidity. He has also been organizing the Saree Festival for the last six years to celebrate the important attire that has been a part of our legacy and is agreed to be the epitome of elegance and grace.
How is patriarchy a double edged sword? Patriarchy is a concept of men being superior and them having the final say, but as mentioned there are qualifications that men need to achieve to be the men who rule. While it denies women the right to be equal, it also denies men the right to be themselves. It cuts both ways. It cuts men when it tells them to dress and behave a certain way, and it cuts women when it tells them to work in the kitchen, and sustain her family.
While we still have a long way to go in terms of achieving gender equality, we have come far. Gone are the days of undermining women and forcing every man to fit into a cliche. People have finally started to wake up and feminists are the crusaders of the resistance against patriarchy. Men have started to realize that as much as this convoluted system provides them, it also takes away their freedom to act like their truest selves. With rigorous effort and enough time, I firmly believe that we will finally be able to pull off gender equality and foster an inclusive and supportive society.